Am I supposed to be having more fun as a parent? Because I’m kind of not right now. The boys are fucking annoying about 80% of the time with the constant whining and bickering over everything we only have one of…including my pajama pants and and the only lip gloss left in the house that isn’t full of fuzz from being tossed on the carpet every minute. I can’t tell you how many times they’re shouting, “START THE TIMER!” lately. Yes, we need to set the timer for “sharing.” Though admittedly there are times when the timer goes off and no one can remember what in the hell we were struggling to share in the first place.
So last night we go down to the ghetto Burger King for the car show. I had told my dad about it, since he has a pretty sweet Rat Rod pictured here that basically blows your average ’56 Chevy OUT OF THE WATER. And no, I don’t think that girl in the picture is very attractive but whatever.
Well the car show got rained out but my Dad showed up anyway because we’re one of those normal families that doesn’t carry cell phones with us. Because we don’t have them, unless you count the Tracfones we have in our respective vehicles.
Anyway, the boys were thrilled to see Grandpa and we all sat inside eating (not me, since I don’t eat at Burger King….no reflection on Burger King personally) when suddenly Clark starts choking. Mind you, this happens weekly in our household. I know of people who can recall the ONE time they gave their kid the Heimlich. Yeah, that shit happens all the time in the Arnold household. It appears the one lasting “preemie thing” for my kids has been their issues with eating.
So, that was super. Clark nearly puked everywhere and had again, almost died, so Justin took him to the bathroom to calm him down. He was screaming quite a bit. It was relaxing and fun.
In the meantime, Jack suddenly vomits EVERYWHERE. On my dad, on the table, on the food, on the floor. So while one twin is in the bathroom following another near-death choking incident, the other is out here puking over us.
Again, really fun time. I’m positive that the booth and floor were both CLEANER after I sat on my hands and knees wiping it all up with free napkins.
On the way home (we walked there, which was a great idea until we had to walk home with kids that were hungry again-thanks to the barfing, etc.), I found myself feeling the need to say, “Well that was fun!” But it wasn’t fun. Pretty much, any family outing is not fun right now. I spend my time ensuring my children don’t die, while they spend their time ignoring my warnings, and essentially just making life miserable and exhausting.
While I was cleaning the bathroom for the millionth time this year, I thought briefly of my friends with even more children than we have (because I think twins are harder than most other situations…and you probably wouldn’t agree unless you also had twins) and nearly vomited. Not because I was also cleaning up vomit but because the thought of having even more rain on my parade is just that terrible.
In other news, I thought I was dying for a few days there (don’t worry! I think it’s just Lyme’s Disease!), and what scared me the worst was the thought of three men in this place without someone to make sure they were fed and in clothes that started clean at some point. So, I’ll try not to die for awhile. AS IF I HAVE CONTROL OVER THAT.
Back to your regularly scheduled life, which is probably a little less depressing than this post. SORRY.